This is the essay we have written so far, but no linking elements have been used, which are extremely important, as explained in the section for ORGANISATION:
'How are the paragraphs introduced? the concept of linking is very important here.'
Is the final text cohesive? That means all the parts should relate to each other, and there shouldn't be parts which seem disconnected.
That gives the document below:
Some people believe we should not go abroad for our holidays, that it's better to spend our free time in our own country. I don't agree.
TO BEGIN WITH, cheap flights enable people to travel to go to other countries which wasn't possible in the past. students can get railcards which don't cost much, and visit other countries. Sometimes it costs less to travel abroad than at home.
SECONDLY, holidays don't have to be bad for the environment. Much of the journey can be done by ship, train or bus. Once there, accommodation may be in tents or in country houses that use little energy, with local travel by horse, by bicycle or on foot.
FINALLY, young people need to learn about the world which they cannot do by staying at home.
TO SUM UP, I think that holidays abroad can be educational, economical and environmentally friendly.
Let's look at the function of these linking elements.
The first linking element is the 'I don't agree' sentence, because it connects paragraphs 2, 3, and 4 with the introduction.
The linking elements TO BEGIN WITH, SECONDLY,
and FINALLY, are used to show that the ideas expressed are sequential and follow the same argument. No contrast is being given.
The linking element TO SUM UP is used to tell the reader that this paragraph will give a summary of the ideas previously discussed. This kind of linking element is used to introduce the conclusion, which should not repeat the words used previously, but should summarise in different words the previous ideas.
It is important to structure the paragraphs correctly. Each paragraph discusses one idea, and in this case the idea is given in the notes in the question, and the first sentence of each paragraph mentions that.
'cheap flights enable people to travel ....' - 1st idea COST
'holidays don't have to be bad for the environment' - 2nd idea ENVIRONMENT
'young people need to learn ...' - 3rd idea EDUCATION
These sentences are called INTRODUCTION SENTENCES, and using them is necessary to get a good mark in the exam. They are usually short and precise.